Parkrunning across the universe, only going forward 'cos we can't find reverse

Parkrunning across the universe, only going forward 'cos we can't find reverse.


Midweek: Find out there is a parkrun in Wolverhampton in a ninja turtle-shaped park! Stay amused for rest of week.
Friday: Pressure builds to write highly amusing parkrun report. Feck it, I'll just write my usual unfunny one instead
Saturday

07:55 Girlfriend's alarm goes off 5 minutes before mine, presumably as a punishment for "volunteering" her for scanning duty after plea from ED for marshals.
07:57 Set coffee machine off with Sainsbury's own brand ground coffee as am now part of the middle class
08:00 Startled by MY alarm going off
08:01 Choose between Hull FC vest (2016 Challenge cup winners COYH) or "hilarious" "Education is important, but running is importanter" tshirt. Go for latter
08:02 Don more lycra than is respectable for a 42 year old man
08:05 CAFFEINE!!
08:15 Enter bathroom
08:15:30 Commit crime against humanity
08:25 Remember to perform all physio exercises and roll on mini basketball. Hum Barbara Streisand hits
08:27 Begin to cajole girlfriend to hurry up so we are not late. Girlfriend still in dressing gown
08:30 Give girlfriend 5 minute warning. Refrain from shouting "Awooga"
08:40 Leave for parkrun
08:41 Select Journey's classic "Don't stop believin'" on car stereo.
08:42 Sing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.
08:43 Girlfriend gives me "unimpressed look"
08:48 Arrive at car park and start speed walking to start
08:55 Strip and make fuss of lovely whippet
08:57 Quickly show girlfriend camera so she can get runners on first lap. Neglect to show her how to use pro lens that she hasn't used before. Whoops
09:00 PARKRUN!!
09:02 Left shoe lace unties completely
09:05 Rather surprised that young lad who sets off in the lead is wearing very large down jacket
09:10 Eventually tell young lad that he needs to go around the cones rather than cutting every single corner "But it's muddy" "Tough, it's muddy for everyone" (Cones are partly to prevent damage to pitches so important for not annoying the local footballers and sports association)
09:20 Hear what I think is young lad catching me. Am actually passed by grey haired lady who is moving at a lick! Results show she is a veteran 60-64 from York!!!! RESPECT!
09:21:31 Enter finish funnel and left shoe finally gives up holding on and I leave it behind. Marshal helpfully picks it up and starts to put it neatly away. Hop after her on one foot "Actually, I do rather need that back"
09:22 Wave barcode in front of girlfriend who is clearly miles away
09:23 Grab camera and start snapping
09:35 Cafe: Laugh at bulldog trying to get on cafe counter after he smells frying bacon/sausages
09:40 SAUSAGES BUTTIES!
09:42 Post PPP (Post parkrun porn) picture of sausage sarnie to parkrun discussion group. I WILL make it catch on :)
09:45 Look through photos. Good lord, I'm fat!
10:10 Find parkrun card on ground on way out of sports assoc. ICE information reads: "Handle like eggs"
10:15 Text message: Scott, your time in position 6 at Wetherby parkrun was 21:31. Well done. Thanks also for volunteering. (22 seconds faster than last week, result!)
10:48 Card owner returns my call whilst I'm in Morrisons's buying ingredients for Shepherd's pie. Arrange to exchange card on Tuesday
11:30 Select music for drive home; Kaiser Chiefs classic. Change lyrics to "I predict a diet"
12:00 Start download and processing of pictures12:57 Girlfriend claims she is "tired" from scanning duties....
13:03 Publish report as photos are taking forever. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand relax